Family Laughter
A man from the old Jewish neighborhood sees a familiar man walking up the street not far from him. He remembered the man as Irving Goldberg, an old neighbor. He calls out, "Goldberg, Goldberg". The more he pursues the man, the more the man accelerates away from him. Finally, he catches up with Mr. Goldberg. As he is gasping for breath, he notices that Mr. G. is attired in an alpaca coat, spats and a Homberg hat. "Goldberg, don't you remember me, Lapidus from the old neighborhood?". In a high toned, haughty manner Goldberg says, "Oh yes, Lapidus. However, I've changed my name to C. H. Pierpont". "C. H. Pierpont? Where did you come up with that name?", says Lapidus. "Oh, it was quite simple", replies Goldberg. "You of course remember Pierpont Avenue?". "Sure I do, but where did you come up with the 'C. H'?". Goldberg pulls himself up and pompously responds, "corner a hundred and fifth"! Story Contributed by Roy Schlachter
One weekend afternoon, my wife Lillian and I decided to try to remove some spots from our carpet. We purchased the product called "Glory", a spray can of carpet spot remover. As those of us who have used these products know, the spray can must be aimed vertically and aimed at the spot or spots in question. Well, my dear wife believed that, similar to a can of shaving cream, the spout should be triggered in the horizontal position. I was standing across from her with the spot between us. Try to remember that I have a beard. As she depressed the spout she covered me, my beard and my upper body with, you guessed it, "GLORY"! Our children were hysterically laughing and if the dog could have, he too would have joined in the merriment. Unable to contain her own laughter at the sight before her she, by error of course, spritzed me one more time. You do realize what carpet cleaner products do. They foam up on whatever surface they land upon including beards! A priceless memory for all of us. Story Contributed by Roy Schlachter
Returning home from a camping weekend, I discovered a dead pigeon in our backyard. Examining the unfortunate bird, I discovered that it had been shot. Being a conscientious citizen and father of three, I was somewhat alarmed at the realization that someone in our neighborhood had discharged a firearm. I proceeded to contact our local Police Force to make them aware of what had taken place. The dispatcher took the usual information regarding location and name. He then asked the fateful question. "Where did the bird come from?". I could not resist. I replied, "I'm sorry, but he died before he could tell me". There was no response from the dispatcher while I was trying to control my own laughter. So it goes. Story Contributed by Roy Schlachter
Our four year old granddaughter, Chloe, was busy bossing around her younger sister. Our daughter told Chloe that she needn't do that as she was the Mommy.
With great indignation, Chloe responded to her mother by saying, "Mommy, I'm practicing to be a 'Mommy'!". How to keep a straight face? Story Contributed by Roy Schlachter
Do you have a witty family story to contribute? Please send your submissions to Andrea Rubin.
